Iain Duncan Smith resignation response letter from David Cameron (Satirical)
Dear Iain, Thank you for your letter this evening.
We are
all very proud of the welfare cuts which this government has delivered over the
last six years, and the reduction in support from those most vulnerable, in
which you have played an important part.
As a government, we have done a huge amount to force the great unwashed people into work, reduce disability and promote social injustice. There are now more people in underpaid work than ever before in our country's history, with 2.4 million more zero hours, no paid or low paid jobs created since 2010.
I regret that you have chosen to step down from our regime at this moment. Together we designed the Personal Independence Payment to remove the crutch from the most vulnerable and to give disabled people a lot less money. They could barely afford to heat their houses or eat properly before this cut and this change will stimulate them getting out of the house and taking part in Great British life.
We all agreed that the resources being spent on disabled people should be properly managed and focused on those who need it most. So we also cut housing benefit for sheltered housing; which will move on many mentally and physically handicapped from housing that could be used for "hard working" people who stimulate the economy. It will also help push up house prices so we are all better off.
That is
why we collectively agreed - you, No 10 and the Treasury - proposals which you
and your department then announced a week ago. I find it a little ironic that
the Gengiz Khan of my cabinet is now coming over all compassionate.
Today we
agreed not to proceed with the policies in their current form and instead to work
together to spin these policies and make them more palatable for the gullible
UK public.
In the
light of this, I am puzzled and disappointed that you have chosen to resign.
Would you mind ATOS checking whether you are right in the head.
You leave
the government with my thanks and best wishes.
While we
are on different sides in the vital debate about the future of Britain's
relations with Europe, the government will, of course, continue with its policy
of welfare cuts, matched by our commitment to social injustice, to reducing the
life chances of the most disadvantaged people in our country, and to ensuring
that the corporates who most need help and protection continue to receive it.
Yours David
Yours David
